Another Cigarette and Another Daydream

I love the way your eyes shine.

And the smile your lips make

Even when they're dry.

I love the way the lights flash after dark.

And how you lay your head on my chest when we lay down to look at the stars.

I love the way your hair tickles my nose.

We've been floating about with no recollection of the past.

I love the way saying I love you feels.

I can't believe the fun I have with you.

Even when we're far. But it's okay.

I've been happy, encouraging children to jump into puddles.

Encouraged to live a little more, care a little less.

I love the way we worry about the details.

At night it gets quiet, and we get a little closer.

Always trying your best to make me happy.

I love the way you always do.

From over the hill I see the distant lightposts.

I love the way they go in rows down lonely streets.

But lonely isn't so anymore, now that you're around.

I love the way everything seems more alive now.

Another cigarette and another daydream.

I love the way you get me thinking without words.

We keep it simple and plain without much effort.

I love how you're worried right now thinkin i'm sad when i'm happy.

The Shivers

I walk the snowy northern woods with a rusty shovel on my shoulder, a couple ounces of whiskey left in this bottle. The cigarette on my mouth is wearing out like the clothes covering my body, and despite the protection against the winter they give me, I still shiver. I closed this window to this room a long time ago, and it's still cold. To no surprise of mine these pieces of fabric, (much like the paper wrapped around the cigarette playing phoenix with my mind and lungs and dismay) are being mirrored by these boots on my feet, that buckle finally after so many years of use. I realize the situation is precarious and slightly dangerous perhaps, but I burnt the bridge a long time ago, because I have no sense of strategy.

In the end I should explain that, if these traveling eyes told stories they wouldn't be happy I guess, even the boring days sought after a roborant medicine or poison after the words spoken or real-time images flashed before them. And these ears that over the years were shielded by musical notes have only heard besides them a wave crashing by the pier, birds singing in the morning, a beautiful girl saying "I love you", these feet crushing the well-packed snow as they go by marching towards something important, the cigarette same cigarette as in the start burning away, and a piano key that seems a little off when compared to the many others.

I think it's a curse, placed on me at some point by the past long before I can even remember, maybe my soul is marked by continuous treason against the creator, though I still am confused about his real existence, sometimes though my inner self pleads for an attempt at a prayer to see if these goosebumps that haunt me ever since I was a child will go away, even if for a short day. And I can hear poetry and other things that rhyme going in and out of my mind like fireflies buzzing about. I stop for a second to take a final swig at the whiskey and throw the bottle on the ground so I can keep the cigarette in it and away from my warm tired eyes.

I take this time to wonder about the things in my life, my pros and cons. My love for my girl, my warmth for my friends, my carelessness, my addiction to cheap nicotine, the shivers, the presence that haunts me in my sleep when I lay my head down that falls on the bed like an anvil filled with thoughts as always. So many. I wonder if the souls I just buried under 6 feet of dirt and 2 of snow will come back to haunt me, so I get a little scared and the shivers stop for a brief moment. I think the few coins I have in my pocket to play steel guitar are ready to start jingling again with my hurried pace and fear of a noise I just heard out in the woods.

I had a 20 and the dealer had a 15, I could have said stop and taken home the gold but I said "hit me". Just slipped out like a careless thought to a summer time friend. I sigh and crack a smile at an invisible ally, that exists but isn't there. Much like everything that's perfect in my life, that friend is far away. I left home early and yet, I can still taste the copper taste of sadness and poverty in my mouth swiveling around with the sugary taste of love and pathetic attempts of watering made by a winter dry mouth and lips. The shivers are back and these clothes can't stop them, I just feel tired.

I've gotten out of the woods, and the people in the subway stare at me funny. Over time my ability to not care about opinions faded along with the ability to hold back words that don't harm the souls around me. I slur some words to a T worker about directions to the area my house is in, I've become slightly forgetful with time. I can't remember their answer, so I sit down on a bench outside the station as college kids stare with pity in their eyes, or some sort of console of a kind that I despise. I put my hands covered by my sleeves over my mouth, bend down to my knees and start to daydream, wishing I could find my way back home so she could warm me up tonight.

I fall asleep hoping that the sun of yesterday replaces the clouds of today, tomorrow.

Afternoon Verses

My only regret was, is, and always will be

That I can't be there in the afternoons to hold you

Till you fall asleep.

Breakfast in the morning keeps on being lonely still, a recurring theme in my stream of thoughts.

A big city kid hoodie (always) up in these outskirts of towns, don't know how I got here, don't know when the bottle stopped being in my hand. It's alright anyways I don't mind, the weathers too uncomfortable to be holding cold glasses at this time of night.

Sometimes I rhyme, sometimes I don't.

Sometimes i'll try, other times I won't.

What do you think?

And in the end it's like I said, my life's on standby and it ain't starting till i'm by your side babe.

The thunderstorms at night as constant as they may call me up to play lately, just don't seem any fun without you around. I have the patience, we have the time. Still a little hard though not being able to simplify.

What I feel is just a little too strong now to put it in words.

It's okay babe,

I'll hold hands, I don't mind.

As long as that gets me a kiss under the stars at night.

All the notes in the world couldn't speak for me, the colors much less they just warn.

And these words well, these words don't come close and never will. Should give up on trying to make them show you how I feel. But it makes you smile, so i'll keep at it. If I have to hold my head up and grin at tornado coming towards me I will, might get whiplash but it's worth it.

Just hope it throws me far and far away, by your side, even if for just one day.

Daydreams A Little More

Can't find any good lyrics to go along with what I feel for you baby.

Might as well write it all out and speak of my daydreams, like I usually do.

And i'm a little sleepy, so pardon if it gets a little confusing.

I can see our home, tiny downtown apartments always seemed like the best.

With tiny little frames hanging in the walls with no pictures that belong to us because we bought them with the intention of taking pictures but got lazy, so we got strangers pictures for advertising on our walls. It's alright though, never minded that anyways. But thats besides the point, coming home from a long day of whatever I've been doing and you'll be laying up against the couch with a bored smile stamping your pretty face in a big Gym Class shirt we bought when I took you to the show and some odd puffy bunny slippers, flipping through channels or watching reality TV.

And i'll swing by over the couch to give you an upside-down kiss, maybe my headphones will dangle and tickle your face but that's alright it won't last long. Be floating over to the kitchen to do what I enjoy doing in there, getting a little lazy and playing with the magnets on the fridge doors you bought on a trip to the indie stores around the city. I might get myself a beer and lay against the wall looking outside to the kids playing in the streets, thinking about how much I hate my boss and wanna get a break already, but it's alright. You might come by to give me a kiss, i'd like that even if it happened everyday.

We'll have dinner and maybe i'll take you out to a movie, maybe we'll go anywhere you want or we can stay home laying on the couch cuddling watching shitty late night TV, i'll get bored and start tickling you but never letting you get away from my hold, I won't handle how cute I think you are and give you a kiss on the back of your neck, tell you I love you. Cuz I really do.

And on weekends when I ain't got nothing to do we can wake up really late and do some laundry, i'll make you breakfast and you can sleep a little more, we can go hang out with the friends or we can take the subway anywhere you think seems fitting or anywhere I think will make your heart melt. And like I've always said we can come home and eat Chinese food in the living room, I'll get you all the Disney movies in the world so we can watch. We'll be like an old couple but I wouldn't mind that at all baby, at all.

It's just, how I see my life after I kidnap you cutie.

Tear Ducts

You blew away the pollen with your allergic sneezing. Your glasses nearly fell off from all the trouble. Your sister let you borrow her car, after a long drive to the beach we had a couple of cigarettes and pulled up the covers because it was quite cold even with the car heater on.
At times we fight because of your drinking but I could never let you find out I actually don't mind dear.

I still remember last year when I got sick and you took care of me, even skipped work to do it. I told you I felt horrible that you had to go through all the trouble just to take care of me and you leaned over with a cup of soup, a malicious smile and said "It just isn't winter without a cold, love."

I love you so much I don't think you understand. From the way the autumn winds make your dress dance to the various things and sacrifices we've agreed to make for eachother. I love you trully. And you wont take this seriously, you'll say i'm being silly and odd. But it's the truth. I am here for you always, dear.

Daydream #1: Mermaids.

I slipped quietly into the Black Sea, where I drowned for hours and hours.
I awoke in a daze, at the bottom. My eyes as fragile as they may be what with being made for a human being could make out the figure of a woman tending to my insanity spells.
She leaned over and I could feel her fingers, soft as snow. They were followed by a voice most would saw was as sweet as the sea we were both in, but I found such comfort in them. She asked me: "What has life done to a boy as pretty as you?". I answered with a voice unusually calm for such a situation "Well miss, I was born with a heart strong as steel.. Unfortunately made weak by my experiences roaming the ground, so I decided I should try my luck down here in the sea."

She was beautiful, admired the sincerity in my words and had no problem in pointing out my qualities. It was nice having someone like that around. Someone who didn't find it strange that I wanted to be held at the bottom of the sea, someone who wouldn't mind my words, who wouldn't let me stray off with my nomadic ways, and would just follow my flow. We visited the warrior graveyards, where brave Nords fell to the depths and never saw their land again. They would tell me their stories, and most would point out how they missed being able to see the sun again. I was surprised at how poetic those men can be. But I suppose in this setting it'll turn anyones words into magic.

By this time, my eyes had already adapted to the sea and I had seen her for the first time correctly. She had yellow hair, which I found strange considering she didn't seem to ever leave the ocean. Once I asked, she explained that it was because before she was born her parents were drowned and fell to the bottom, upon seeing her the old god Poseidons daughters found her and refused to let her die. Since then she has been living in this area, never having left the sea.

All of this would have been beautiful, but I found myself waking up.