Insomniac Surprises

Hello beautiful.

It's 4 in the morning and I see no point in going to bed.

You aren't around, and even though you told me to not be upset, I got, just a little.

I had a mild case of bronchitis, I smoked too many cigarettes in my boredom.

Technology just isn't fair to me, I think. To deprive me of someone I love so much.

I mean, I really do.

Com todas as minhas forças, eu te amo. Caralho como eu te amo.

It's still 4 in the morning, I type fast. But I still see no point in going to bed.

You aren't next to me, and even though you told me not to worry, I did, just a little.

I'm still coughing a little but i'll be fine, I want to have another cigarette, i'm still bored.

But I won't have one, not for a while, because I think about you.

I think about you before doing anything.

Até em coisas que não tem nada a ver com você, penso em você só pra você virar parte.

It's nearing 4:10 in the morning, I've listened to "Clear My Head" by Ivy at least 5 times.

I hope you like this, I hope this makes you smile. I really do, a lot.

I'm sorry baby, I just can't focus on words anymore.

I'm scared, you're good at reassuring me and making me feel safe but I can't help it.

I'm so far, I hate it so much.

Please understand, please don't feel like I don't trust you.

You know I still want my life with you, You know I still wait around for that.

For the weddings, and the kids, and the mapa-mundi na parede.

And the dates, the movies, the food, the cuddling, the everything.

The discussions over Santos x São Paulo, the discussions over music.

Not over messenger services, but actually here, quero tapas de amor ao vivo.

I've got an idea, that i'll work on your drawing for the remainder of however long i'll stay without sleep. I'm sorry, I just lost my want for it, I mean, sleep is necessary but without you it's so much harder to do.

I hope I stay working on it long enough to say hi when you go to school.

I miss you, I miss you so much.

I hope this takes you by surprise.

I really do.

Eu te amo, tanto amorzinho, tanto.

Nevada

Relying on this heart, grabbing hold of a pack of cigarettes half full and a suitcase with the following contents:

Comic books, clothing, a toothbrush, a psp, my ipod charger, and a magazine to show my friends in the other end of the globe that I miss so much.

And we'll go on adventures, and we'll have fun, and we'll drink our livers away.

Or at least they will, I can't anymore.

I'll play the guitar, i'll laugh a little.

But that's all good.

Part of the plan.

Relying on this heart, grabbing hold of a pack of cigarettes half empty and some car keys.

I'll tell you I love you baby, and that i'm going to work. But i'm really not.

The engines will roar somewhere else, and before you can get your shoes on to get to school i'll be in your front lawn (sorry for running over the fence, i'm a little deprived of sleep).

And we'll go around the desert and watch the stars and if it gets a little cold cuz the sun went to sleep i'll just hug you and keep you warm and cute.

It's a little silly, it's a little cheesy. But it's alright, I love you so that's how I get.

I've confessed to mental priests and gone to churches with a liver full of alcohol, lungs full of cigarette smoke and Nevada highway sand, in my mind i'm settling for the basics but I keep my head up cuz the basics are the best things on earth. And if the small things are making me happy and i'm making everyone I love happy, then i've nothing to complain about. Perfections a little far, but only a couple plane tickets away.

Ill Musician.

I'm sorry hun, I just haven't been feeling myself lately.

I have thoughts, that run through my brain as if they were readying themselves for a marathon. But know they will win no trophy. They are strong, heavy, and persistant. They make me miss you, and they make me miss me. Yeah this rides been fun, but i'm getting a little queasy. And I still remember our July afternoons, Long Island was a blast with your face stamped on it.

I can't help this shaking, cigarettes in the morning despite them making me hungrier and it causes me alot of pain. But lately I just haven't cared. And God dear, i'm so tired of stepping outside. My bones hurt so much from walking and walking, it's so needless when you aren't around. I leave the house on rainy days, the air is heavy on my cloudy lungs but the sun will hurt my sleepless eyes. And despite them being this way, i've slept so much my back hurts.

I've no goals anymore without you by my side, i'm sorry i've become this. I think you'll be happy to hear that despite the pain in my fingers i've managed to play some guitar, but there is no more audience, just a cat outside my window and a picture of a man on life support on the back of my cigarettes whom I can relate to. It appears the big city is way more lonely than i initialy thought. So far my conclusion dear is that: Love is in the air but my nose is stuffed.