Keeping Promises #1

Baby you give me too much comfort at night, it's why I end up falling asleep. Waking up sad not seeing your face, safe in the knowledge that one day you'll be next to me when I slowly open up my sleepy eyes. My warm sunshine in the morning. And as expected you'll be asleep, with a smile on your face and your shoulders slightly above the suggested height, because you live shrugging and sighing when I hold you, and it's okay, cos I do the same. I'll appreciate all that you are to me, give your head a kiss and whisper good morning in your ear, even if you don't wake up I'll do it every morning. I'll go make us breakfast, and contemplate what got me here in the first place.

Baby I love you, and you know i'll always be here for you. Sometimes i'll fall asleep but I swear I can't help it, I'm sorry for the times I do. But regardless, i'll be here every hour of every day, just for you. I won't lose interest, I won't get mad at you, I won't control, I won't get upset by you, And I won't stop loving you even if you turn into a blue alien twice my size.

I'll sit on the bed with my legs crossed admiring you, you're beautiful when you sleep. It fascinates me how breath taking this all can be. I can't focus, it's why I slow down in writing and drawing. If I could I would, but I just can't find the words anymore. It has gotten to a point where I feel something for you that is completely unexplainable and unimaginable. All I know is that my daydreams have gotten longer, much longer. I can see myself at night rolling around with you in bed tickling you, I can see you showing me a dress before every date we go on asking "how do I look babe?" making a cute pose, I can see myself telling you you look beautiful (because you always do), and I can see us in bed with loirinha.

I close my eyes and see paradise, orange flashes and warm lips that come greet me in the morning. But that doesn't happen yet, you still aren't here.

I miss you, I miss you a lot actually.

5 months are excruciating sometimes when I think about it, so I don't think about it.

And neither should you, I hate seeing you sad. We can wait, it won't be a problem.

Just promise me that when you get sad you wont hide it from me? Being able to help you is a skill i'm most proud of, so I want to be able to do that for you.

I'm sorry if this isn't as good as the other things i've written.

Love you cupcake

The Rats

The blinding flashes, a girl dances with a red dress whose curves catapult raindrops like scalpels at the eyes of all admirers. With war paint that goes over and under the corneas and strangles a quick fix at a view of beauty and obsession, strange events that will forever stain the already distorted minds of all scavangers who came to this place for a perverse smile and a thud. He is so nervous that the sweat drips from all the pores and the rage that will fill him opens a door into a world he never knew before. Where the ravens hunt and stab their beaks at the half alive skin of a man who's crossed the most vast of deserts to be here, but never made it.

"I will take you with me" he whispers softly into her ear, a soundwave that cuts open the sewn eyes and leaves them wide with unspeakable fear, if only she had the courage to summon up a "run" those that one day stood there wouldn't be scattered across the wet concrete of that big city street. And perhaps tonight there would be no bloody pieces for the rats in the sewer to feast on. He cannot take the mistake to the grave if there was no mistake, he was sure of this as something he wanted and cannot and will not be blamed for it. The hell he saw after closing his eyes this afternoon before the meat show was of such an impact on his once pure soul that he could not handle such a truth.

And after the spectacle he rose from the debris and brushed his shoulders that now felt the ache of a love now lost. Raising his head he saw lined before him all of the underworlds angels standing still as statues with heavy metal slabs chained to their faces, the strange comfort that brought him the unknown words of his lifes new narrator. He took a deep breath slightly overtaken by fear and walked towards the malicious auras, leaning slightly to the right due to what felt like a broken rib he managed to pick the third of the apparently evil minions that stood paciently before him as if he could take all the time in the world. Standing face to face with him, or perhaps her, the winged torture hugged him with a force unlike any other he felt in his life.

And now the blood that pours will trickle down the paths and find its way into the hearts.

Inverno na Cidade

Vagando pelas ruas frias com minha trajetória indefinida sinto seus olhos castanhos do alto do morro me vigiando. Eu ainda não te encontrei, você parece ter me encontrado faz muito muito tempo. Compactado eu sinto a chuva batendo no meu casaco, hoje vou me molhar até a alma pra ver se acorda a criança dentro de mim, não quero mais ser gente grande. Você pelo jeito não se importa com quem eu sou, as coisas que eu faço, a vida que levo..

Me deito sob a sombra dos edificios, me falta visão suficiente pra ver a beleza neles hoje em dia. Algo que em você existe em abundancia, por isso preciso encontrar você logo pois talvez não sobrevivo sem você. Deito minha cabeça coberta por um boné na parede de concreto e volto meu olhar das moças lindas na rua pros céus, nenhuma núvem neles.. a chuva parou e eu ainda não me encontrei. Talvez espero por mais um dia em que posso me tornar uma pessoa melhor.

O vento frio voltou, bate e parece me acordar um pouco. Me levanto e vejo aonde estou, pra ter certeza que não tive a sorte de acordar em algum lugar mais comfortável. Já me parece hora de ir pra casa, não sei se aguento mais esse tempo longe de você, me deixa triste saber que vou acordar amanhã abraçando o vão na minha cama, acordando de mais um sonho com você. Sonha do mesmo jeito? Sem teu amor o inverno é mais longo, mais triste, mais frio.

Me deito e penso em absolutamente nada, mais uma noite sem você talvez vire pouca coisa quando penso que passei todo esse tempo sem notar que existia tal possibilidade de um dia encontrar a felicidade. Só que ainda fico sentido quando penso que você sabe aonde estou e nunca me procura, por que faz isso comigo? Venha à noite, por favor. Eu deixo a porta da frente aberta pra você, não me deixe nesse sofrimento. Vem e me prometa que vou acordar todos os dias a partir desse ao seu lado, na sua compania, com todo seu amor.

Dead Next Door

I smell gunpowder and cocaine honey
That last one is yours to deal with.
Your insanity inspires me,
And I don't think I need to explain how much it makes me want to sleep with you.
But that is my problem to deal with tonight in the privacy of my bathroom.
Then maybe i'll douse myself in cheap alcohol and reminisce about teenage.
Apparently it's my duty as a guy to only want to fuck you. And fuck you hard.
But I don't feel like it right now, not this moment.
I still manage to get my moral code where it needs to be.
But the fantasies, Oh the fantasies.
My subconscious, it just doesn't give a fuck. By it's rule i'd be doing all the LSD on earth, and maybe.. who knows? Taking panties off with my teeth listening to Frank Zappa and Raul Seixas.
But all i've done today is watch your pretty eyes, cocaine eyes.

Incidents

"So.." said the girl next to me at the bus stop quite confused as to why I had frozen still for such a long time after she asked me "Will you be mine?". "So will you? I know i'm not alot, but I know you'll be made happy with me by your side!" she says it like it were the simplest thing in the world, really. But the problem was, she didn't fit my style. I wanted someone as strange as I, not the perfect mother to my children.

And so, with much simplicity in my eyes and a quiet flame of sympathy burning in my heart I said "No, I'm sorry darlin' but this just won't do. You see the problem is that you just aren't insane enough, you haven't seen the world with eyes like mine. In the start we'll be happy, but I have far too many problems, i'll come home late and smelling like alcohol, i'll spend far too much money in cigarettes and useless trinkets, etc. You should find yourself a nice boy though, one who treats you real fancy."

Needless to say that girl looked at me with a very pure hatred, and threw a hot cup of coffee at my genitals. And that's why i'm here explaining this to you right now Dr!

Hard Case Kid

Fui pro paraiso e voltei cambaleando bebado de whisky barato, tomando uma garrafa de Biotonico gole em gole fumando um maço por hora. "Trash é tão sexy, é tão proibido!" diziam as meninas nas portas dos shoppings, vestidas em preto e all star. Pois eu viro com a fumaça ainda saindo da boca para responder apenas com um "Lindo não é? Um homem que não devia ter sido, foi condenado sem chances de justificar na corte dos deuses do paraiso e foi imediatamente chutado pelas portas para cair aqui, aonde ele passará o resto dos seus dias jovems bebendo e fumando. Jogando fora uma vida jovem que antes era tão alegre, que hoje se resume no medo de cair no sono, pois nos sonhos vêm o paraiso e com o paraiso vêm a dura realidade de ter que acordar para ver que este inferno é a pior realidade que um sonhador pode ter."Rindo um pouco, volto minha cabeça para direção que meu corpo está indo e por falta de lagrimas apenas continuo cambaleando pelas ruas brasileiras.